Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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