Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
