Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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