i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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