I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize