i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
