he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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