Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
