I wish I only lived at night.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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