we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
