I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
