i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
