I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
