found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
