I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
