Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
