We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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