At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
