piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
