I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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