just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
