dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
