his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
