Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
