you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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