So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can you bring me the toilet please
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
