eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
