HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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