My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
