Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
