The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
