would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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