i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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