He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
