After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
