i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
