a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
