It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
