Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
