The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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