This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
