What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's get the cat blown out
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
