when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A+ Viking dick
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