Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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