a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
