Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
