Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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