The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
