Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
