Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
