I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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