Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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