so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
