i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
