I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Holy shit dude........stairs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
