hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize