I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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