I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
