Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
