My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
