just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize