Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This baby is an asshole
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
