They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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