you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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