My nipple is on Facebook.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
