me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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