I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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