people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
