I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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