And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize