He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
