If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
