Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
