i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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